“You need to speak up more in meetings.”

It’s a well-worn piece of workplace feedback – meant to encourage visibility, confidence, and engagement. But for neurodivergent thinkers and introverts, it often feels more like criticism than care. And worse, it misses the point entirely.

At its heart, this feedback assumes that verbal participation = value. It favours the loudest voices and equates quantity with impact. But in the rush to increase airtime, we risk sidelining thoughtful contributions, alienating quieter teammates, and filling meetings with noise instead of nuance.

Why “Speak Up More” Lands Poorly

For neurodivergent individuals, verbal communication in group settings can be cognitively taxing:

• Some need more time to process and formulate thoughts
• Others may struggle with rapid-fire verbal exchanges or sensory overwhelm
• Rejection sensitivity can make even well-meaning feedback feel like deep personal critique

Introverts often prefer reflection to reaction. Many excel in written communication, one-on-one conversations, or post-meeting follow-ups – but struggle with live group performance.

“It’s not that we have nothing to say. It’s that the format isn’t built for how we think.”

What Happens When This Feedback Is Taken Literally

Urging someone to “speak up more” without context can:

• Encourage speaking for the sake of speaking – leading to off-the-cuff, unprocessed comments
• Add pressure that leads to performative rather than purposeful contributions
• Create frustration among teammates, who experience increased noise but not improved dialogue

Quantity isn’t the goal. Quality is. And forcing speech that hasn’t had time to form doesn’t foster psychological safety – it undermines it.

What Inclusive Feedback Sounds Like Instead

If your intention is to encourage engagement or amplify a quieter voice, try these alternatives:

“I really value your insights – how can we make meetings more comfortable for you to contribute?”

“Would async input or a written summary help you share your thoughts more easily?”

“You often share great ideas outside of meetings. Is there a way we can bring those into the broader group’s view?”

These approaches focus on outcomes, not style – and shift from pressure to perform to permission to contribute meaningfully.

Building Meetings That Include All Communication Styles

Feedback about meeting participation should come with a commitment to redesigning the space. Consider:

• Silent brainstorming before discussion
• Meeting recordings or transcripts for asynchronous processing
• Facilitators who invite input in multiple ways – chat, virtual whiteboards, follow-up docs
• Norms that value listening as much as speaking

Inclusive meetings aren’t measured by how many people talk – they’re measured by how many feel heard.

The Takeaway for Leaders and Teammates

Instead of asking teammates to change how they communicate, ask: How can we create environments where all forms of thinking and expression are valued?

Speaking up should be an option – not an expectation. Contribution comes in many forms, and leadership means knowing the difference between volume and value.